What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
