Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
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I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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