It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
