I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize