Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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