2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
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you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
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Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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