Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
