I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
