just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
