So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
