Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
