my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
