Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
