bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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