the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
