PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
