Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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