Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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