My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
