PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
