Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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