It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
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What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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