If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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