every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
