He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
this just has baby written all over it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
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dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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