i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
