I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
