we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ladies don't puke and tell
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
