I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
