and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
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As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
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I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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