can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
