i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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