Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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