Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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