it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
