i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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