I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
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I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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