think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
