I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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