The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
