Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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