He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She even gives head with a lisp.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
