Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
