once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
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It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
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I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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