Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
