It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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