you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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