dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
