I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
