Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
