im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
