just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
