You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
