Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Ladies don't puke and tell
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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