do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize