dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
