And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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