im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
