if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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