don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
